From betootaadvocate.com
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact The Kiwi version of Scott Morrison, New Zealand Prime Minister Chris Luxon has this week managed to do what many thought was impossible. This is making enemies out of just about every single Maori in New Zealand, after creating an environment so hostile that a...
#auspol #Australia #newzealand
4h ago
From betootaadvocate.com
"The Gender Pay Gap's Myth" Says Bloke Who Earns 190k Driving Big Tonka Truck Which Goes Vroom
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Economists and social theorists are today eating humble pie after being destroyed by a Gold Coast man named Bevan Thomas. After a big week of nurses and midwives campaigning to try and get paid somewhat accordingly for what they do, big Bevan has told them to...
#auspol #nswpol #satire #sexism #nonukes #hypocrisy #shitparty #votegreens #whyislabor #womensrights
21h ago
From betootaadvocate.com
NSW Government Tells Nurses To Recruit A Few More Blokes If They Want That Pay Rise
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Newcastle Sydney and Wollongong (NSW) Government has today issued an ultimatum to the state’s nurses and midwives. With the sectors striking over their pay and conditions, NSW Health Minister Ryan Park has revealed there’s a simple fix if they wanna get paid....
on Thu, 3AM
From betootaadvocate.com
Dutton Welcomes Comparisons To Potatoes And Voldemort Saying Dirty Lefties Are Missing The Point
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More to come.
on Wed, 5AM
From betootaadvocate.com
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact The Albanese government’s revamped bill to tackle online misinformation and disinformation has been criticised as a “complete mess” and “as dangerous as 1984” in thousands of Liberal Party press releases that have been published verbatim on all of the major...
on Nov 8
From betootaadvocate.com
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news from home soil, the Australian media has seemingly somehow missed a big story this week. With the eyes of the western world on the United States of America over the last few days, the frenzied defenders of transparency and accountability that are our...
on Nov 8
From betootaadvocate.com
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EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local bloke has today revealed he’s finally figured out the cause of all his life’s problems, after doing a little soul searching, it’s reported. Thomas Cooke, 20, an engineering student at Betoota Polytechnic University, admits he’s been feeling...
on Nov 8
From betootaadvocate.com
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some heartwarming news from the United States of America, the countries leading billionaires have succeeded in rescuing the nation’s citizens from a totalitarian regime. This comes after the man known as the Selfless Billionaire, Donald Trump was elected to...
on Nov 8
From betootaadvocate.com
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EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local woman who’s been on the edge of her seat all day has decided to indulge in some much needed self care, by going home, pulling down the blinds and losing herself in a world of fantasy. Having given herself carpal tunnel with the amount of times she...
on Nov 8
From betootaadvocate.com
Betoota Advocate Accepts Annual Million Dollar Cheque From Gambling Lobby To Not Talk Shit About Cup
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT CLIENT WIN: The entire Betoota Advocate staffroom has today taken Monday afternoon off, after receiving its annual lifeline. With the first Tuesday in November now upon us, The Advocate has this week welcomed its eagerly awaited, yearly million dollar cheque from...
on Nov 5
From betootaadvocate.com
"There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch, Unless You Were Born Between 1952-1971" Says Coalition
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation’s Opposition have kicked off the week by living up to their name today, and revealing their opposition to a piece of government policy. The Liberals and Nationals have confirmed that they are strongly opposed to the government’s new policy aimed at...
on Nov 4
From betootaadvocate.com
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact In a major policy announcement that is struggling to get any airtime in an Australian news cycle focused on treating minor indiscretions like career-ruining political scandals, millions of Aussie students will have their university and TAFE debts slashed. The...
on Nov 4
From betootaadvocate.com
Trump Campaign Sends T-1000 Back To 1975 To Kill Arnold Schwarzenegger After Kamala Endorsement
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The US presidential election has taken a wild turn less than a week out from the polls closing. With the November 4 election date rapidly approaching after 12 months of extremely Americanised votertainment, Republican candidate Donald Trump is pulling out the big...
on Nov 1
From betootaadvocate.com
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A cheerful geriatric from Betoota Heights has today spoken to The Advocate about a big celebration in town. While picking up some milk and bread from Dave’s Bakehouse on Smith Street, Brian Waldron explained to our reporter that this ‘halloween rubbish is doing...
on Nov 1
From betootaadvocate.com
Courier Mail Author To Pivot From Fictional Stories About Youth Crime To LNP's Economic Recovery
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A Brisbane based author has today spoken to The Advocate about the exciting new challenge ahead of him. Fresh off the back of a big 12 months creating a fictional universe where youth crime is rampant in the dystopian state of Queensland, Courier Mail author...
on Oct 31
From betootaadvocate.com
Taliban Mobilises Military Ahead Of Possible Intervention As Tensions Flare Up In America
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Wheels are being set in motion this week, as the world prepares for a potential geo-political crisis. With the US election less than a week away, the powers that be in Afghanistan are beginning to ready themselves for an urgent peace-keeping mission. This comes...
on Oct 31
From betootaadvocate.com
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Anthony Albanese’s financial emancipation continues to make headlines this week, after it was also revealed that on top of owning a nice house, he also flies at the front of the plane. While literally ever Prime Minister before him have lived in...
on Oct 31
From betootaadvocate.com
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact In case you haven’t been reading the newspapers, The Prime Minister thinks he is better than us. This is surprising, given his background. Anthony Albanese was born in inner-Sydney to an Italian national father and an Irish-Australian mother, who raised him as a...
on Oct 29
From betootaadvocate.com
Elon Musk Also Offering A Million Bucks Per Day To Anyone Who'll Be Friends With Him
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Everyone’s favourite precious jewel heir has today hit the news with an exciting new campaign! After using his parent’s and the government’s money to generate one of the largest fortunes in the world and influence the American election, Elon Musk is now focusing...
on Oct 27
From betootaadvocate.com
Liberals Housing Policy Just A $5bn Wire Transfer To Meriton
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More to come.
on Oct 25
From betootaadvocate.com
Sooky Little Snowflakes Still Calling For Lidia To Resign Because She Offended Them
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT In some shocking news from Australia’s political sphere, it’s been alleged that some of our politicians might be a bit loose with their lips. This comes after Opposition Leader Peter Dutton and former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce continue to spearhead the...
on Oct 25
From betootaadvocate.com
Workers Recalled To Office Arrive With Refreshed And Renewed Loathing For Their Bullshit Job
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More to come.
on Oct 25
From betootaadvocate.com
King Charles Lobsters Himself On Last Day In Australia After Falling Asleep On Coogee Beach
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The man who operates under the technical title of Australia’s Sovereign is today wincing his way through security on the way back to the great dreary shithole of the United Kingdom. This comes after King Charlie gave himself a severe case of British Rock Lobster...
on Oct 23
From betootaadvocate.com
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In case you haven’t been watching the news, Federal Senator Lidia Thorpe is facing backlash for enjoying the freedom of speech in front of King Charles in Federal Parliament earlier this week. The 51-year-old Aboriginal woman is very good at making the...
on Oct 23
From betootaadvocate.com
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EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Coles CEO Leah Werkett has today told the press that even though these stories about the cockatoo living in Campelltown Coles are pretty funny, that little arsehole will be expected to spend a couple of hours manning the till to work off all those brioche buns...
on Oct 23
From betootaadvocate.com
Australia's Freedom Of Speech Advocates Suddenly Go Missing When It Comes To A Loud Black Sheilah
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Warriors of Free Speech have taken a notable u-turn today, after an incident in the nation’s capital. The group of white, right wing blokes who spearhead the broader ‘you can’t say anything these days movement’ have taken a break from preaching liberty, to...
on Oct 23
From betootaadvocate.com
“Wait… What? Mummy Never Mentioned Any Of This!" - King Charles Stunned By Thorpe's Revelations
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Australian media outrage machine is in overdrive today, after an Aboriginal woman dared to say the quiet parts out loud. In front of the King of all people. Britain’s King Charles III has been delivered some hard truths during his first visit to the country...
on Oct 22
From betootaadvocate.com
ACT Labor Celebrates Unprecedented 7th Term Running Canberra’s Local Council
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Fresh off the back of local elections in the rest of the pesky state that envelopes them, The Australian Capital Council cast its vote over the weekend. In the largest council election in Australia, the residents of the Canberra Shire have voted back in a Labor...
on Oct 21
From betootaadvocate.com
Local Woman Finally Achieves Goal Of Waking Up Early By Getting A UTI — The Betoota Advocate
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EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact After years of battling with early alarms, 29-year-old Laura Hennessy has finally discovered the ultimate hack for becoming a morning person – getting a urinary tract infection! Laura, who describes herself as a “night owl by nature” has struggled with waking...
on Oct 19
From betootaadvocate.com
King Charles Gets A High Fade And Veneers As Is The Custom For Englishmen Heading To Bondi
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More to come.
on Oct 19
From betootaadvocate.com
King Charles Admits He's Only Coming To Australia Because He Missed Out On UK Tickets For Oasis
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT King Charles III and Queen Camilla will be in Australia this week — their first visit here since taking the throne. Their visit coincides with the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting, which is being held in the Samoan capital Apia. However, given this...
on Oct 18
From betootaadvocate.com
Queensland LNP Says The Only Free Lunches In Life Should Be Courtesy Of Resources Lobbyists
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Queensland Opposition Leader has today moved to clarify a notable policy position ahead of the second Premier’s debate. David Crisafulli has confirmed to The Advocate that Premier Steven Miles’ ‘Free Lunch for School Children’ policy is complete bullshit. ...
on Oct 18
From betootaadvocate.com
Peter Dutton Keeping Verrrrryyyyyyyyyy Quiet About His 400 Million Dollar Portfolio
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the fallout continues from the Prime Minister’s ill-advised property purchase on the Cenny Coast, the nation’s Opposition leader has today confirmed that he’s keeping his head down. “Yeah, gonna let the foot soldiers fire shots at Albo on this one,” laughed...
on Oct 18
From betootaadvocate.com
Sydney Residents Urged To Resist Snorting Mystery Substance Washed Up On Beach
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More to come.
on Oct 18
From betootaadvocate.com
Of Course The Annoying Guy At New Job Is A Whovian — The Betoota Advocate
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MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Local woman Amy Matthews (24) recently started a new office job and is not surprised at all that the off-putting annoying guy in the office happens to be a die hard Doctor Who fan. Early signs of the devastating realisation started on her first morning in the...
on Oct 17
From betootaadvocate.com
PM's Optics Department Throws Phone Out Window After Albo Buys $4.3 Million Luxury Beach House
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The head of the Prime Minister’s Optics Department has today taken the day off. Speaking to one of our reporters from the Kingo, Andrew Ryan explained that he’s not even bothering today. This comes after it was alleged the Prime Minister has just purchased a $4.3...
on Oct 17
From betootaadvocate.com
Mary Fowler's Boyfriend Gets Some Time Off Work To Join Her In The UK For A Bit
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of the nation’s most recognisable sporting stars has received a welcome boost off the field today. Mary Fowler, one of the faces of Australia’s most popular sporting teams is preparing to host her new boyfriend over in the United Kingdom. Currently playing...
on Oct 10
From betootaadvocate.com
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT What looked like a dream Bradbury run to election victory for the Queensland LNP has blown up into a million pieces today. This comes as the Katter Party lobs a hand grenade into their campaign, just over two weeks before Queenslander’s vote in the 2024 State...
on Oct 10
From betootaadvocate.com
Qantas Apologises For Showing Human Centipede To Entire Flight During Recent Trip To Betoota
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation’s favourite tax-dodging and staff sacking airline have been hit by a second scandal in as many days. Qantas the once national own flagship operator has been forced to apologise after a serious technical mishap overnight. The red and white plane taking...
on Oct 9
From betootaadvocate.com
Entire Nation Seemingly Unable to Cook Without Consulting RecipeTin Eats — The Betoota Advocate
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CONSTANCE RIVERA | Editor | CONTACT From suburban mums desperate to move beyond apricot chicken, to uni students trying to tackle pesto pasta, Australia’s kitchens have found their guiding star in Nagi Maehashi, the food blogger behind RecipeTin Eats. In fact, her blog is now so indispensable...
on Oct 6
From betootaadvocate.com
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Labor has today announced a Vietnamese-Australian candidate for a heavily Vietnamese seat, that they lost to a Vietnamese independent in 2022, because they decided against pre-selecting someone from the actual area in that hope that the poor immigrant voters...
on Oct 4
From betootaadvocate.com
Piece Of Shit Orange Cremes Enter 3rd Week Of Life On Office Bench Top
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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A couple of good for nothing piece of shit biscuits have bludged their way through another working day. With Thursday evening rolling around, two Orange Cremes have ticked off their 15th full day of sitting on a Betoota Old City District Office bench top. “Yuck,”...
on Oct 4
From betootaadvocate.com
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EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Betoota Heights woman Darcy Gale, 29 has today revealed that she believes her addiction to role playing games may have ‘permanently’ rewired her brain, causing her to gamify everyday interactions, it’s reported. Originally developing an addiction to the Sims...
on Oct 3
From betootaadvocate.com
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EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Local retiree and part-time keyboard warrior Barry Kemp, 62, has been on a relentless social media campaign in support of former U.S. President Donald Trump, despite having absolutely no personal stake in American politics. Barry, who is often found on...
on Oct 3
From betootaadvocate.com
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EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Millennials have been warned that relying on inheritance as a safety net cannot be guaranteed, with a recent expose by ABC investigations proving that the ‘great wealth transfer’ from baby boomers is likely not going to their children, but to parasitic...
on Oct 1
From betootaadvocate.com
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CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian Treasurer Jim Chalmers has this week confirmed that his government has overseen the first back-to-back federal budget surplus in over 15 years. This news brings with it hope that the end might be in sight for the cruel economic conditions that...
on Oct 1