From theunaustralian.net
Palmer Not Sure What To Spend His Millions On Now That He Can’t Buy Politicians
1 1
National treasure (yep, he officially is), Clive Palmer, has been seen walking aimlessly around Indooroopilly shopping centre trying to decide what to splash his cash on now that spending money on …
#auspol #satire #nonukes #shitparty #votegreens #whyislabor #womensrights #climatecrisis #fsckoffdutton #shitliteparty
21h ago
From theunaustralian.net
Police Investigate Mysterious Stab Wounds In Back Of Current Vice Chancellor Of Canberra University
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ACT Police have today announced that they will launch an investigation into the mysterious stab wounds that have appeared in the back of the current vice chancellor of Canberra University. The inve…
#auspol #satire #billshorten #shitliteparty
on Sep 6
From theunaustralian.net
Barnaby Tells Dutton To Leave The Swinging Voters To Me
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The Opposition’s shadow minister for home and foreign affairs, Barnaby Joyce, has told his colleagues that he is ready to fight the next election and promises his leader, Peter Dutton, that h…
on Wed, 1AM
From theunaustralian.net
Gina Asks Her Swimmers If One Of Them Could Start A Podcast Like That Lovely Joe Rogan Fellow
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Peter Dutton’s traditional owner, Gina Rinehart, has put the call out to all the swimmers she ‘sponsors’ to ask if one of them could be so kind as to start a podcast. Preferably a…
on Tue, 12AM
From theunaustralian.net
Coalition Hires Focus Group To Help Decide Which Minority It Should Accuse Of Eating Cats And Dogs
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The Peter Dutton led Coalition, spurred on by Donald Trump’s US election win, have started their Australian election campaign early by employing focus groups to help them decide which minorit…
on Mon, 1AM
From theunaustralian.net
Rinehart Orders Dutton To Get An Orange Spray Tan ASAP
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Peter Dutton’s traditional owner, Gina Rinehart, has taken time out of her Donald Trump themed celebrations to get on the phone and demand that her favourite toy, Dutton, get an orange spray …
on Nov 8
From theunaustralian.net
Robert Kennedy Jr Promises To Make Tin Foil Hats Mandatory Should Trump Win
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Donald Trump’s favorite conspiracy theorist, Robert Kennedy JR, has promised to make tin foil hats mandatory for all Americans, should Trump win the Presidency. ”We can’t have goo…
on Nov 4
From theunaustralian.net
Gina Defends Dutton Calling Him The Best Politician That Money Can Buy
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Australia’s richest women, who is still in contact with one of her four children, Gina Rinehart, has come out strongly to defend beleaguered Opposition leader, Peter Dutton. Declaring him the…
on Nov 1
From theunaustralian.net
Trick Or Treaters Warned That Wearing Orange Face Is Culturally Insensitive
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In the lead up to Halloween Author of the Blog ‘The Left Is Not Right’ has warned prospective trick or treaters that wearing orange face as part of a costume is culturally insensitive. “Orange face…
on Oct 31
From theunaustralian.net
Sky News Says LNP’s Smaller Than Expected Win In QLD Proof The Party Needs To Move Further Right
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Low-rating cable channel, Sky News Australia, has taken a moment away from celebrating the LNP’s Queensland election win to discuss how much bigger the win would’ve been had the party m…
on Oct 29
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Promises To Convert Project 25 To The Metric System
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Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has told colleagues that he has been doing the hard yards when it comes to Coalition policy, and will soon be announcing that he plans to convert the controversial,…
on Oct 25
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Tells Colleagues To Cool The Chat On Abortion Till After They Win The Election
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Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has issued a directive to all his underlings to stop talking about criminalising abortion until after they win the next election. ”Though banning abortion is …
on Oct 24
From theunaustralian.net
Parliament House Security Under Fire As Abbott Gets Within Knighting Distance Of The King
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An urgent inquiry has been called in to security at Canberra’s Parliament house after King Charles’ visit was marred by former PM, Tony Abbott, getting within knighting distance of his …
on Oct 22
From theunaustralian.net
King Charles Spends The Weekend Avoiding Tony Abbott
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King Charles has spent the weekend in Sydney laying low trying to avoid former Prime Minister Tony Abbott, the man who demoted the King’s Dad from a Prince to a Knight. ”The King was ke…
on Oct 21
From theunaustralian.net
Weird Dude Who Likes To Play Dress Ups Scores A Free Trip To Australia
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This afternoon King Charles, a dude who once told his sidepiece that he’d like to identify as a Tampon, will visit Australia. The trip will be paid for by the Australian taxpayer in what is s…
on Oct 19
From theunaustralian.net
Local DJ Priced Out Of The Inner West, Forced To Move Up To The Coast
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Inner West DJ, Anthony ‘Albo’ Albanese, has been forced to move up to the central coast after his trendy inner city suburb of Marrickville become too expensive for him. ”Times are…
on Oct 18
From theunaustralian.net
Toyota Hilux Owner And Magpie Bond Over Mutual Hatred Of Cyclists
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Proud Toyota Hilux owner, Jayden Jaydensen has formed an unlikely bond with a local magpie. The 26 year old tradie said he was scoffing down his daily four and twenty during his second lunch break …
on Oct 17
From theunaustralian.net
QLD LNP Promises To Desex The Cast Of Bluey
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The Queensland Liberal/National Party (LNP) have today announced plans to desex the cast of popular TV show Bluey, should they win the upcoming election. ”I’m sure the people of Queensl…
on Oct 10
From theunaustralian.net
Radio Listeners Stunned To Learn That John Laws Is In Fact Still Alive
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Shock jock, John Laws, has stunned the Nation by announcing his retirement from radio. It was not the news of his retirement that stunned the Nation but rather news that Mr Laws was in fact still a…
on Oct 9
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Demands A Revamp Of The Maths Syllabus With More Emphasis On Division
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Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has demanded a revamp of the Australian Maths syllabus to ensure that more emphasis is put on division. ”It is totally unacceptable that the average Australia…
on Oct 8
From theunaustralian.net
Only Cask Wine From The Goon Region Allowed to Be Called Goon
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Winemakers from the Goon region of South Australia are today celebrating after international trademark laws were changed to allow only cask wine from the region to be labelled as “Goon”. “If you wa…
on Oct 5
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Demands All ABC Reporters Hand Over Their Lunch Money
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Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, fresh off verbally abusing an ABC reporter after they dared ask him a question, has demanded that all ABC staff hand over their lunch money to their peers (sic) at …
on Oct 2
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Promises To Make Peta Credlin Governor General When He’s PM
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Australia’s de facto Prime Minister, according to the ABC and News Corp, Peter Dutton, has today issued an edict that when he becomes official PM he will anoint low-rating Sky News Australia …
on Oct 1
From theunaustralian.net
“Let Them Eat Yellow Cake,” Dutton Tells Those Opposed To Nuclear
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Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, fresh off releasing no new details of his nuclear power policy, has reacted angrily to all those against the policy (sic) saying: ”let them eat yellow cake.&#…
on Sep 27
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Warns Journalists: ”Ask Any More Questions About Nuclear And I Will Punch You In The Neck!”
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Unpopular Australian Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has held a press conference today where he warned the Nation’s journalists to stop asking him questions over his nuclear plans, or he wou…
on Sep 26
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Tasks Angus With Setting Up A Go Fund Me To Pay For The Nuclear
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Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has tasked his shadow Treasurer, Angus Taylor (yep, really), to set up a Go Fund Me account with the hopes of raising 140 billion in order to pay for the nuclear po…
on Sep 25
From theunaustralian.net
Assassination Attempt: Man With Potato Peeler Spotted Near Dutton
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Fresh off the news of the alleged assassination attempt against felon turned Presidential nominee, Donald Trump, Sky News Australia is reporting of an assassination attempt against Coalition leader…
on Sep 17
From theunaustralian.net
News Corp Launches Operation Polish A Turd
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News Corp Australia has launched it’s new initiative, operation polish a turd, with a series of flattering articles in their weekend papers praising the performance of Opposition leader Peter…
on Sep 16
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Calls On The PM To Audit The Nation’s Cats and Dogs
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Australian Opposition leader, Donald Dutton, has demanded that Prime Minister Anthony Albanese immediately get his Government to conduct an audit of the Nation’s cats and dogs to be sure that…
on Sep 12
From theunaustralian.net
Weird Dude Who Likes To Play Dress Ups Scores A Free Trip To Australia
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Next month will see King Charles, a dude who once told his sidepiece that he’d like to identify as a Tampon, visit Australia. The trip will be paid for by the Australian taxpayer in what is s…
on Sep 11
From theunaustralian.net
Lonely Magpie Just Wants A Hug
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A sad Shire magpie who simply wants a friend is unable to comprehend why everyone he swoops down on to give a hug to runs away in terror. “I’m so alone all day on top of this telegraph …
on Sep 9
From theunaustralian.net
Gina Declares Australia Would Be A Better Place If It Were All Mine
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Peter Dutton’s muse, Gina Rinehart, has declared that Australia would be a much better place it were all mine. In an off camera rant, allegedly recorded at a McDonald’s drive thru. R…
on Aug 27
From theunaustralian.net
Vote For Us Or Linda Will Sue: Coalition Launches New Election Slogan
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The Coalition has rebounded strongly from their NSW council election debacle, where they managed to not enrol their candidates, despite having 4 years to do so, by launching their slogan for the up…
on Aug 26
From theunaustralian.net
Reynolds To Sue $100 Million Powerball Winner Claiming They Deprived Her Of The Winning Ticket
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Coalition Senator, Linda Reynolds, has directed her team of lawyers to go after the winner of last night’s $100 million dollar Powerball. Claiming that the she had been deprived of the winnin…
on Aug 23
From theunaustralian.net
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The Coalition, fresh off a massive administrative bungle that resulted in them not being able to run candidates in upcoming council elections, has told the public to forget all about that and trust…
on Aug 16
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Defends Joyce: ”Gina Likes Him So I Like Him.”
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Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has come out in defence of his shadow minister for home affairs, Barnaby Joyce, after the member for New England spent parliamentary question time throwing slurs an…
on Aug 15
From theunaustralian.net
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The Coalition has announced today that they will soon be releasing their policies for the next election with regards to women. They explained that the minute that Linda Reynolds’ law suit aga…
on Aug 2
From theunaustralian.net
Senator Reynolds Appointed Shadow Minister For Suing Women
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The Coalition has today announced that West Australian Senator, Linda Karen Reynolds, has been appointed shadow minister for suing women. In a move designed to shore up the Coalitions standing with…
on Jul 24
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Warns Journalists: ”Ask Any More Questions About Nuclear And I Will Punch You In The Neck!”
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Unpopular Australian Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has held a press conference today where he warned the Nation’s journalists to stop asking him questions over his nuclear plans, or he wou…
on Jul 23
From theunaustralian.net
Trump Assassination Attempt Leads Dutton To Demand Stronger Potato Peeler Control Laws
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Australian Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has taken time away from his little American Vacation to lecture the Australian media on the need for the country to look at greater potato peeler contro…
on Jul 16
From theunaustralian.net
Sky News Tells Dutton To Look At The UK & France & Go Further To The Right
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Low rating ”news” station, Sky News Australia, has dedicated the week to trying to convince Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, to stop pandering to the centre and move the party to the ex…
on Jul 12
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Jets Off To America To Help Make Australia Great Again
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Opposition leader and part-time Voldemort cosplayer, Peter Dutton, has sauntered off to the United States in an effort to help make Australia great again. ”Peter will be away for a few weeks,…
on Jul 9
From theunaustralian.net
Barnaby Keen To Establish A Working Group To Investigate Sex Based Rorts And The NDIS
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The Opposition’s shadow spokesperson for home and foreign affairs, Barnaby Joyce, has told colleagues of his interest in getting together a working group to explore sex based rorts and the ND…
on Jul 8
From theunaustralian.net
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Former Australian Prime Minister (yep, really), Tony Abbott, has told the UK Conservatives who have just been walloped in the British election, that they lost due to being not far enough to the rig…
on Jul 5
From theunaustralian.net
Sussan Calls On Colleagues To Rebrand Their Energy Policy Nnuclear Ppower
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Following dismal results in the latest News Poll polling the Opposition’s leading advocate of numerology, Sussan Ley, has called upon colleagues to rebrand their toxic energy plan and call it…
on Jul 1
From theunaustralian.net
ABC Staff Offered Counselling After Being Forced To Interview A Government Minister
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The ABC has announced that they will offer counselling to all employees after their News Breakfast program was forced to interview a Government Minister instead of their preferred option of an Oppo…
on Jun 28
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Tasks Angus With Setting Up A Go Fund Me To Pay For The Nuclear
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Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has tasked his shadow Treasurer, Angus Taylor (yep, really), to set up a Go Fund Me account with the hopes of raising 140 billion in order to pay for the nuclear po…
on Jun 26
From theunaustralian.net
”It’s Not A Lie If News Corp Report It,” Dutton Tells Colleagues
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Opposition leader (for now), Peter Dutton, has told his colleagues to not worry about the lack of detail or mistruths said at the launch of the Coalition’s nuclear policy launch, as it’…
on Jun 26
From theunaustralian.net
Attention Seeking Racist Bigot Picks Fight With Boy Who’s Dad Died When He Was Young
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Pauline Hanson, a Queensland based attention-seeking racist bigot has started picking on Robert Irwin, a young boy also from Queensland who lost his famous Father when he was young. Ms Hanson start…
on Jun 26
From theunaustralian.net
Dutton Celebrates Polling Success By Strangling A Basket Of Puppies
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Opposition leader, Peter Dutton, has celebrated his success over the weekend in overtaking Prime Minister Anthony Albanese in the polls by heading to his local pet store and strangling a basket of …
on Jun 25